Small Town Syndrome is a Reel Problem

Technically speaking I'm from a small City but the general consensus among many people inside and outside of it is that Belfast and many other large towns around the North of Ireland suffer from a variation of Small Town Syndrome. It’s not to say that the people are close-minded, it's more that there’s a general disdain towards change or anything that varies from the template lifestyle of settling down after uni into a stable job, getting a mortgage, and getting married, often with kids at some stage. To a lot of people this is a dream life. I don’t mean for that come across as condescending. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect about it in my twenties and with the help of some family and friends I've come to see that although this may be the steadiest way to live (or so it's made to appear) that it brings with it its own set of challenges and responsibilities. I would've looked down my nose at it before and smugly exclaimed that that way of life isn't for me but now i’m more settled in looking at it empathetically to search for reasons why people would find that life appealing and contrast it with reasons why I don’t, all while accepting that it's okay for me not to want that. The flip side of the coin is that, generally, people who opt for that lifestyle don’t have the same level of empathy or time to consider why I would dare do something as bold as leaving a well paid, fully subsidised job to go and live a financially unpredictable life in music while working on the side to be able to afford living a more enjoyable but generally more day to day challenging life (comparing my previous line of work and life enjoyment to my current I mean, not a comparison to others). It just doesn’t compute with everyone back home as to why I would do this unless I tell them my whole story and I can’t or don't feel obliged to do that anymore. I’ve let go of the wanting or needing to explain myself because not everyone will understand and that’s okay. In saying that, if they want to know I’ll just redirect them to a blog or a podcast where I talk about it all in detail. Some may get it and some won't purely because they’re too ingrained in the culture of living and leaning towards what they’ve been told is safe. For that reason, when someone strays from that path they’re looked at by tilted heads. They’re not following the norm. And if you’re not following the norm what are you? You’re a bit weird in their eyes.

You might be blatantly told if someone thinks you're weird too. That’s the thing with the small town syndrome here it comes in many forms: often via belittling and/or snide remarks. I was in a bar I used to work in recently and saw one of my old colleagues who came up to me and said, “How are you doing? Are you still singing the wee songs?” In other words - don’t be getting too big for your boots, young fella, cos’ when you’re in here you’re still just another wee lad from around the way. It was either Colin Geddis or Aaron McCann (big local comedians back home) that said on a podcast that Kanye West wouldn’t make it if he was from here. No one would let him get away with that ego. Show any form of originality on a platform where you can be seen and do it with a bit of confidence behind you and there’ll be whispers of, “Who does he think he is?” “Look at your man there thinking he is something.” “I used to babysit him, ya know.” You can do nothing to win your plaudits. No one gets given their flowers in Belfast unless it’s their funeral. But I have to admit that the plus side to this mentality is when it's woven into the fabric of your friend group’s no-limits humour. Some can say things to cut you down or take you down a peg but you can do the same back to them in equal measure about how they’re conducting themselves. No matter what happens to me, good or bad with music, I can always count on my mates to keep me grounded and I’ve come to enjoy that since I started taking music more seriously. It’s motivation to keep going because in Irish culture if you really disapprove of something your mate is doing you don’t joke about it: you'd actually avoid it in conversation. So to me, the jibes are their form of endearment. I actually had a heartwarming moment where a close friend opened up to me recently about how he felt when I left my job, “Mate, to be honest when you told me you were leaving your job to do music i was thinking is he fucking stupid?! But now all I see on your instagram is you performing and your names here, there and everywhere at the best times of night and you look like you’re enjoying yourself. I’m really happy for you, mate.”

That subtle reference to Instagram brings me to the point I have about how Small Town Syndrome comes into play when you’re posting on your social media. I’ve had to do a little work on myself in general to let go of the opinion of others when it comes to how I conduct my life, especially when it comes to living outside the parameters of what’s considered a normal life back home. But I still find it a bit hard to shake that mentality of “Who do you think you are?” or "You're not good enough" that stems from it. Furthermore, when I go to post something on my social media. You contemplate whether the quality of what you're posting is good enough to be posted. Whether or not people are going to judge your content and form opinions on your character based on it. What will people back home be thinking of me for posting it? What will my friends think? What will my family think? Ah fuck it i’ll just delete it. Ah no, sure just wait and see what happens. Then that synthetic dopamine hit comes in when the notifications light up your phone screen and that settles it a bit. Then come the general reflective thoughts of how is my post performing compared to my other posts? How is it compared to other artist’s posts? Will this post actually do anything for me to get gigs? Will I leave it another while yet before I even think of posting something again? This swirl is enough to make you want to walk away from it all but realistically speaking you can’t because it’s too entangled in the business now. You need it to get a name if you haven’t already got one. You need it to be seen to be busy or to be seen in general. And what you post can’t be senseless. It all has to add up to what you represent and who you really are or who your artist really is. Combine that with the prerequisite of thoughts embedded from your surroundings growing up and you’ll end up static and dizzy at the same time. One thing I’ve learned is to start to translating the mindset that enables me to care less of the thoughts of others in the physical world across to the virtual one and to let go of what people may or may not think. Focus on doing right by yourself and for yourself and it all flows after that.